Saturday, October 9, 2010
Ruptured Membrane at 31 weeks and in the hospital!!
So Tuesday night after our sons tball game, my SO and I got our son bathed and ready for bed. I also got cleaned up after him, and also went to bed. We were laying there around 9:15pm and i felt like i was wet down there, I got up went pee and sure enough I was. so I cleaned up and changed and curled back into my bed. not 10 minutes later i felt more not gushing just more coming out, and my bed was soaked.
I remained calm, had my SO get my cell and i called the emergency number for my OB. Upon her calling me back, she told me if i thought I was leaking, to go to the nearest hospital ( she is in another county and doesn't practice at the hospital closer to me.)
so through my 4 yr olds tears begging us to NOT go, and getting him dressed to go to SO cousins house, I dressed put a towel in my pants ( the leaking became heavier) I wanted to cry so much but remainded calm for the sake of my son. he wanted to know "who was putting him on the bus." Thinking about it just makes me sad and teary eyed. We drop him off at the cousins and proceed to the hospital about 35 minutes away. we get there and i get into the hospital, and tell the information what I was there for and the wisk me of to L&D.
I went into the bathroom to change and pee with the help of my nurse and SO. She proceeded to tell me as i changed if i was ruptured i would be transferred out to John's Hopkins. Fear set in; that is 2 hours away. Yes it's top notch but I wouldn't be close to anyone. After i undressed, she asked if the towel i had was wet, to which i replied yes. She tested it, and sure enough I was ruptured, Here lil test proved it.
So I knew my fate and i begun calling family at 10:30 to let them know what was going on. Lots of things were going on. when she checked me I was no contracting, no bloody show, but 1 centimeter dilated. They gave me antibiotics and steroids for help with the baby lungs and the possibility of infection.
I'm terrified now. I'm to early to deliver. The word of my transfer came in at 12:30 and they would be roughly 1.5 hours till I leave. I talked my SO into going home and getting some sleep, after he called out of work, then when he wakes in the morning to come up. He didn't want to leave me (in all honesty I didn't think i would be delivering.) But he went home like I asked, he needed sleep i didn't feel the ride there would have been a safe one for my very tired SO. He did what I asked of him and got some sleep.
I remained as calm as possible but am so scared.
I got up to pee, with my nurses help, so i would be okay for the long ride when they arrived.
As soon as I was doing this, my chariot awaits me. 3 large men, dressed in purple, I was impressed. I was loaded on the stretcher as my SO got direction to the hospital. It's already 2 am on wed and it is cold outside.
The ride there was long and painstaking rough.
When i arrived at John's Hopkins, something after 3 am, It was crazy. I must have met and seen 20 doctors to which i could NOT tell you any names or what their specialty was.
I was put on monitors and machines and given this medicine and that medicine. Sleep didn't happen much. The L&D bed sucked badly; I felt like I was on boulders. I was on my back, and varying sides the whole time.
I haven't progressed anymore really. I'm still leaking. Wednesday night I was moved to anti-partum to be monitored. My nurses on L7D gave me the best bath in a bed they could, I was complaining slightly because I felt cruddy and nasty. They were the best. got me clean and then moved me to my room #270. This is now my home away from home.
I need to try to make it to 34 weeks if i can. I'm praying for little Benjamin every day.
I cry constantly because my 4 yr. old doesn't understand what really is happening and when mommy will be home. It hard when we talk. Today he told me, mommy I am sad you're not here, I cried for you. I feel so bad because I'm not closer to him, where he could see me daily. I now have my laptop online and will have Skype set up by Sunday (need a web cam and a mic) This way he can always see me when he wants too. I miss him so much.
Motherhood should be defined as a balancing act that often brings on tears. This is so hard on all of us around. My SO gets my wrath of bitchiness, that isn't directed at him necessarily because I'm not at home able to handle things.
I sit here 2.5 days after my rupture stalling in the mist of the waiting game. No progress is great news. I will be here for the duration. Ben will go to the NICU, once he is born then the wait for his home coming will start.
Please pray for us.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
School Answering Machine
Verified by Snopes to be FALSE, but in the interest of honesty. I believe all school system should have this on there answering machines. PRICELESS!!
Friday, August 13, 2010
milestone
well today is my childhood friends birthday. sadly she is no longer with us. i miss you Rachel
On to the milestone. ( gotta finish this later) I'm heading off the net due to a storm....UPDATE tomorrow
On to the milestone. ( gotta finish this later) I'm heading off the net due to a storm....UPDATE tomorrow
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
It's on FIRE!!
So yesterday was a sad day for some friends of mine. Their house burned to the ground. Nothing left. One dog had to be put to sleep due to smoke inhalation. He was an old boy but it's still sad. Thank GOD no one else was harmed. There was only one person home. she went outside to smoke then, I'm not sure how much time passed but she emptied the ashtray in the trash in the kitchen and went upstairs to the computer room. some time passed and she heard a banging pop sound, and thought it was another one of the residents coming home in his dump truck. she went downstairs to find the kitchen and porch fully involved. she was able to get out unharmed, and the dogs as well. I just don't know how I would handle this. I'm very sad that they lost everything and have only the clothes left on there backs. I hope the investigation goes quickly, so they can rebuild.
Update - Preliminary reports show that this was an electrical fire. The dumping of the ashtray in the trashcan was not the cause. Hopefully Katie doesn't feel guilty anymore, she was blaming herself.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Sonogram today
I'm almost 23 weeks along and I go to have my 20 week sonogram. I'm super excited to see my li
ttle guy Benjamin again. I love too see him thrive and grow. Fortunately for my constant inquiring mind, I get to see him every month. I have the benefit of going to an advanced fetal care center once a month right now.
ttle guy Benjamin again. I love too see him thrive and grow. Fortunately for my constant inquiring mind, I get to see him every month. I have the benefit of going to an advanced fetal care center once a month right now.Friday, August 6, 2010
Marriage
(I happened across this on the net. I like it a lot and wanted to repost it here.)
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to the office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
I stopped at the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, or the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to the office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
I stopped at the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, or the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
365 Project
So I decided that today is as good as any to start my 365 Project. What is a 365 Project you make be asking yourself? Has this writer slipped and bumped her head, and is delusional.
First I'm not delusional, and secondly a 365 Project is a visual blog of pictures taken each day for a whole year. I was going to start once my second son Benjamin is born, which is 4 months away. So I decided against waiting and will male my first 365 Project for my son Kailen. I will photograph journal his life for the next year. I'm always taking photographs of him, but never and amount of days consecutively.
Wish me luck in my current endeavour. I took some pictures today but need to get them uploaded and sorted to decide on the best image. When Benjamin is born, I will do a single project for him, and a project for both boys. It should be awesome as long as I can get up with it.
http://365project.org/mommie2kailen/365
First I'm not delusional, and secondly a 365 Project is a visual blog of pictures taken each day for a whole year. I was going to start once my second son Benjamin is born, which is 4 months away. So I decided against waiting and will male my first 365 Project for my son Kailen. I will photograph journal his life for the next year. I'm always taking photographs of him, but never and amount of days consecutively.
Wish me luck in my current endeavour. I took some pictures today but need to get them uploaded and sorted to decide on the best image. When Benjamin is born, I will do a single project for him, and a project for both boys. It should be awesome as long as I can get up with it.
http://365project.org/mommie2kailen/365
The Mysteries of Life
Life happen when your busy making other plans. I was tired of planning to have another baby, and my dreams seem to be dismissed. God gave me my miracle Kailen, and then took the baby I was pregnant with in March 09, I figured it wasn't meant to be for another baby. I sit here today 22 weeks pregnant, have battled many complication, and pray that this time my child will be born healthy. The life of my son, whom will be named Benjamin (as of this moment unless I change it) has been plagues with me having many complication. In the beginning I found out that I was actually pregnant with twins. YUP!! but I lost Benjamin's sibling. Lost Motivation
I came here to create a new blog, and quickly realized, that I had this one and lost the motivation in creating it. (bad me I forgot I had this one) Well life has changed drastically since the beginning of this blog, and I hope that my once "LOST MOTIVATION" will be replaced with joyous exuberance to express myself through writing.
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